This year I've come to realize that to empower myself, I need to achieve things (that I find meaningful). And I can't know whether I achieve anything if I don't set specific short/long-term goals to evaluate them. And to achieve the goals, I need to constantly remind myself of my unconditional desire for self-empowerment.
Why is this happening right now, not earlier?
I've taken a look back at the past 33 years of my life, and I asked myself, "have I ever felt good about myself?" The answer is, not really. The feeling of frustration got even stronger in the past couple of years, and I realized that it was because I never felt that I've achieved something substantial.
It's not that I don't believe I have the ability of do many things. On the contrary, I do believe that I have the capability. However, I only had a general direction of what I want (e.g. experience more new things, being a productive member of an organization, helping others, making an impact) , but there's no specific goals and evaluation. And because what I wanted it not broken down in further smaller goals, whatever I did was never enough.
Besides goals and evaluation, I also forgot to envision how sweet that sense of fulfillment could be. Therefore, whenever I feel that I didn't do well in the execution stage, I got discouraged and started doubting myself rather than focusing on modifying the plan to get that fulfillment. (I spent more energy on making myself recover from that sense of defeat rather than doing something) Even when I AM doing something that has the potential to be meaningful, because I forgot to link it back to the sweet taste of self-fulfillment, I could not feel as inspired as I could have.
Anyway, I'm glad that I'm able to get this revelation after years of searching. Now it's time to make some change. I hope, no, I should say, I WILL feel empowered this year. And once I knew I've achieved a bit of that, I will be able to help others who also want to feel empowered.
"Heart Of Gold"
I want to live
I want to give
I've been a miner for a heart of gold
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold
I've been in my mind
It's such a fine line
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
You keep me searching and I'm growing old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
I've been a miner for a heart of gold
I want to live
I want to give
I've been a miner for a heart of gold
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold
I've been in my mind
It's such a fine line
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
You keep me searching and I'm growing old
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
I've been a miner for a heart of gold
